JENNY’S NEWS

A FEW DAYS AGO, I’D SAY I WAS GREAT. NOW IT’S GETTING HARDER, & ALL THE KIDS’ ACTIVITIES ARE DONE. IN JUNE WE WENT 2 IDAHO & UTAH, & HAD FUN. I HAD A MINOR OUTPATIENT SURGERY IN JULY.THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN SUPER ROUGH. I’M EITHER FIGHTING A PITY PARTY, OR NEEDING 2 WITHDRAW & BE UTTERLY ALONE (HARD 2 DO IN MY SHOES!), ETC.

WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS, ME INCLUDED!

I ISOLATE MYSELF ON BAD DAYS, & REFUSE 2 POST, BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST WHAT I TYPE–I TEND 2 REGRET IT L8R… I DON’T TRUST ME! I HAVE POSTED THAT ROUGH DAYS EXIST, BUT NEVER EXPAND ON IT…

HOWEVER, I RECENTLY READ A Change in the Weather by Mark McEwen, & TOTALLY RELATED 2 A STATEMENT HE MADE. IT HAS THIS QUOTE ABOUT HOW Mark McEwen FELT, IMMEDIATELY AFTER A STROKE

“Emotionally, I was a little all over the place. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to be alive, given the events that had played out in my brain, and blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends and family. I understood that, even though everything else was a muddle. I also understood that I was determined to work my way back to how I was. But underneath all that, I was also scared and stubborn and tentative and confused. And probably a little angry too. It was a strange mix of emotions, and what was particularly unsettling was that I was unable to articulate what I was feeling. I can’t stress this enough; there was no place to deposit all those runaway emotions, because my body wasn’t working good enough to put them into words and download them onto someone else. So there was a kind of bubbling frustration going on inside my head. It felt like I was about to burst. Typically, Denise and I would talk about everything; whatever we were facing, whatever we were worried about, we’d deal with it together. But here I couldn’t even manage to tell her what was on my mind. It was a maddening thing; to be so plugged in at certain moments to what was happening; and yet at the same time, to be so hopelessly unable to express myself. It’s like I was watching my life play out behind a 2-way mirror from a sound-proof room; like I was there and not there all at the same time. I was a participant and an observer all at once. I could see and hear and understand everything that was going on around me, but it was hard to get anyone else to see or hear or understand me. This was a huge handicap, let me tell you, and I wasn’t at all prepared for it!”

THOUGH IT’S BEEN 6 YEARS, I CAN STILL FEEL THAT WAY SOMEDAYS, BUT ON THOSE DAYS, I’M SO VERY GRATEFUL 4 THE GOSPEL KNOWLEDGE I HAVE, & MY BELIEF IN CHRIST. I BELIEVE THAT CHRIST UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL, EVEN IF I CAN’T EXPRESS MYSELF. THIS GIVES ME A GLIMMER OF HOPE, EVEN ON THE WORST OF DAYS.

IN ADDITION, I WAS “SUPERMOM” B4 MY STROKE, & DID SO MUCH. IT KILLED ME 2 SIT STILL–I EVEN HAD A BAG 2 KEEP ME BUSY IF I WATCHED TV, & LAUNDRY WAS DONE. BUT THE STROKE ALSO FORCED ME 2 STOP…U CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW BAD I WAS THE 1ST FEW DAYS, AS I SAT THERE WANTING 2 DO STUFF, BUT COULDN’T!

BUT IT FORCED ME 2 C WHAT WAS IMPORTANT. ALL I DID WAS GREAT & ALL, BUT WE SURVIVED W/O IT. IT STILL HAD MEANING–LIKE KEEPING A JOURNAL, SOMETHING I VALUE–BUT IT LOST IMPORTANCE. MOST IMPORTANT WAS MY FAMILY. IF NOTHING ELSE REMAINED, MY FAMILY MATTERED.

EVERY NOW & THEN, AS I GAIN INDEPENDENCE, I NEED THAT REMINDER, & THINK, “AH, THE GOOD OL’ DAYS!” THEN I AM REMINDED, HOW BAD CAN IT BE 2 BE REDUCED TO A LIFE OF READING, WRITING, PONDERING, AND MEDITATION. AS A FRIEND SAID,”SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT! “

P.S. ZACH’S HOME 2NIGHT FROM THE 100TH ANN. BOY SCOUT JAMBOREE IN VIRGINIA. HE’S AN EAGLE SCOUT NOW, BUT HIS CEREMONY IS IN SEPT.

THE GIRLS RECENTLY WERE IN MUSICAL THEATER CAMPS, FOR 1-2 WEEKS, & FINISHED BY HAVING PERFORMANCES. THE PROUD MAMA WANTS 2 SHARE! LOL
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Sophia & her cousins, Sky, and Thalia in “Annie”

Jess does her Dr Dillamond scene in” Wicked”

& 4 FUN, Jess sings popular

Enjoy!

JESS IS A LOT LIKE HOW I WAS…IT’S ACTUALLY SCARY HOW ALIKE WE R. I EVEN KNOW HER THOUGHTS AS SHE SINGS…

I RECENTLY WENT ON A TRIP. ON MY TRIP, WE VISITED IDAHO (& MK’S CHILDHOOD FRIEND ON A RANCH), & WENT 2 MY BROTHER’S WEDDING IN UTAH. I DID VOCALIZE A LOT AT TIMES (THOUGH, I WAS 2 SICK AT MY BROTHER’S WEDDING 2 DO MUCH)–I LIKED FREAKING OUT PEOPLE, & IF I WAS ALONE, I SOMETIMES “SANG” W/THE RADIO.

4 AN EARLY B-DAY PRESENT, I GOT AN I-PAD JUST B4 WE LEFT. 4 THE 1ST TIME IN 6 YRS., I TRULY VACATIONED! AT TIMES I HAD NO INTERNET, SO I PLAYED TONS OF GAMES (FINISHED MY 1ST SODUKO GAME), LISTENED 2 BOOKS, WATCHED MOVIES, & SINCE IT WAS NEW, I EXPLOARD WHAT IT COULD DO…MY FAV. DISCOVERY WAS PLAYING MUSIC AS I PLAYED GAMES

I’M STILL WORKING OUT THE BUGS SO I CAN TYPE, SO I MOSTLY JUST READ EMAILS & RARELY USED THE SPEAKING PROGRAM (IF I DID, IT WAS 2 READ AN EMAIL I CUT & PASTED). BUT I LOVE IT THOUGH. IT’S WONDERFUL. IT MADE THE VACATION MORE BEARABLE, & ALLOWED ME 2 HAVE MY OWN VACATION–I NEVER PLAY GAMES, BUT CERTAIN 1S, I SHOULD! & IT WAS GREAT SPIRITUALLY, BECAUSE I GET DAILY EMAILS FROM READTHESCRIPTURES.COM (I SO RECOMMEND THEM, AS I CAN READ ENLARGED TEXT, AS I LISTEN & HIGHLIGHT, THOUGH ON THE I-PAD, I JUST LISTENED. & I ONLY GET REMINDERS UNTIL I READ/LISTENE), & IT MADE ROUGH DAYS BETTER.

LAST FRI., I HAD A MEDICAL PROCEDURE. IT WAS AN OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE/SURGERY, SO NO CUTS. THE BAD PART SEEMS BEHIND ME. I WAS SO SICK AT 1ST (EMBARASSING, AFTER 3 BABIES W/NO DRUGS, BEING AWAKE AS MY THROAT WAS CUT 4 A SURGERY, & MORE), BUT I WANTED 2 BE ALONE–I WASN’T UP 2 TALKING, EXCEPT 2 MK. HE WAS AWESOME WHILE I RECOVERED! BUT FEEL PRETTY GOOD NOW, JUST WEAK, & NOT SURE IF I’M WEAK FROM 2 1/2 WEEKS OFF, OR FROM THE PROCEDURE! LOL STILL, I DID MUSIC THERAPY WED.

FYI, ON MY WEBSITE, THERE’S ASL CHART (MADE W/MY HAND, & THE HANDS R UPSIDE DOWN, 4 THOSE SITTING ACROSS FROM ME), IT’S ON THE FAR RT., UNDER SCRAPBOOKING, CALLED “JENNY-ESE ASL “, & IT’S PRINTABLE. BUT MY GOAL IS 2 MAKE A SECTION ON THE RT., & INCLUDE SOME ASL TIPS I TYPED 4 THE YOUNG WOMEN AT CHURCH. IT WOULD PROVIDE GREAT REVIEW 4 “OUT-OF-TOWNERS”, SO I DON’T GET AS WIPED OUT. I C AN BE PATIENT–HECK, I GET 2 TALK!-BUT GOING 2 SLOW EXHAUSTS ME!

IN , “MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING,” VICTOR E. FRANKL SAID:. “… a very trifling thing can cause the greatest of joys.” [Man's Search for Meaning, Pages 61-62.]
I CAN MOVE ONLY MY HEAD & HAVE LIMITED USE OF MY RT. ARM, BUT I CAN DO SO MUCH! CONSIDERING MY LAST POST, HERE’S My list of “I can’s”:
1. BREATHE ON MY OWN
2. “TUBE FREE” (CATHTER, TRACHE, FEEDING TUBE ALL GONE)
3. I SPEAK A MODIFIED ASL–I CALL IT “JENNY-ESE.” LOL
4. USE A POWERCHAIR
5. USE A TOILET
6. TURN ON/OFF LIGHTS
7. TURN ON/OFF TV
8. RELEARNED TO SWALLOW
9. RELEARNED TO SUCK FROM STRAWS
10. WIPE FACE CLEAN
11. FEEDMYSELF W/O HELP
12. OPEN/CLOSE MOST DOORS
13. SCRAPBOOK
14. TYPE (EMAILS, JOURNAL)
15. PUT IN/TAKE OUT CDS
16. OPEN/CLOSE CD CASE
17. UNWRAP STUFF (LIKE SOME FOOD & OTHER PACKAGED ITEMS—LIKE A CD CASE)
18. TURN MY COMP. ON/OFF
19. PUT CDS IN MY COMP.
20. STICK OUT MY TONGUE
21. ARM WRESTLE–& WIN!
22. DO KNEE BENDS
23. LEAN FORWARD
24. “TEACH” (I TEACH GIRLS AT CHURCH, WHO R 12-18 YRS.)
25. PAINT-I WATERCOLORED
26. LEARNING 2 TALK
27. SAY SOME WORDS & PHRASES
28. PLAY RECORDER
29. PLAY PIANO
30. PLAY AUTOHARP
31. PLAY GUITAR
32. VELCRO MY LEFT ARM
33. SOMETIMES MOVE MY OWN BUTT!
34. GIVE MYSELF MEDICINE
35. HELP CARE 4 MOST BABIES
36. ACTIVELY PARENTING MY KIDS
37. THROW AWAY TRASH
38. GIVE WAGON RIDES
39. I’M EQUIPPED 2 RIDE BIKES
40. PLAY RED ROVER
41. BAKE PIES
42. COLOR
43. WRITE
44. BOWLING
45. SCRATCH THE TOP OF MY HEAD
46. TAKING THE BREAD IN SACRAMENT, AT CHURCH
47. LIFT LEGS, 2GETHER OR ALTERNATING
48. ON OCCASION, I CAN NOT ONLY PUT MY RIGHT FOOT ON MY FOOTREST, BUT ALSO PULL IT BACK ON MY FOOTREST, W/O NEEDING HELP
49. IF HELD RIGHT, I CAN WALK
SURE THERE’S MORE …

I’M EASILY MADE HAPPY THESE DAYS! I’M SO EXCITED! TUESDAY, AS I WATCHED FIA AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, I FED MYSELF BREAKFAST (I’M RARELY THE NEATEST EATER, BUT THIS WAS FINGER FOODSM WHICH ARE EASIER 2 EAT).

THE BEST PART: I DRANK WATER FROM A REAL CUP, W/A CHICK-FELL-A STRAW! IT’S A THIN STRAW, SO I WASN’T SURE I COULD DO IT–ESP. SINCE I OFTEN CAN’T PUCKER W/OTHERS THERE–I OFTEN SMILE! BUT I KNEW WATER WAS MY BAST SHOT, SINCE IT’S THE THINNEST LIQUID, SO I FIGURED IT MAY BE THE EASIEST 2 SUCK UP.

PLUS, IT’S CLEAR, SO IF I DROOLED W/NO BIB, IT WAS OK. BUT I DIDN’T DROOL! & I ATE LIKE ANY1 ELSE…I WAS JUST A MOM AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, SITTING IN THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE & EATING. NO BIB. NO TILTED CHAIR. IT FELT SO GOOD 2 FEEL SOME RESEMBLANCE 2 NORMAL!

WHEN WE GOT HOME, I DECIDED 2 AGAIN C THE MOVIE “CATCH ME IF U CAN”. THERE’S A STORY USED SEVERAL TIMES THAT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
“THERE WERE 2 MICE THAT FELL IN A BUCKET OF CREAM. 1 IMMEDIATELY GAVE UP & DROWNED. THE OTHER STRUGGLED SO MUCH & 4 SO LONG, IT TURNED THE CREAM INTO BUTTER & CRAWLED OUT.”

AT TIMES, I BELIEVE I DO THINGS LIKE THE 2ND MOUSE, & TUESDAY EVERYTHING I’VE WORKED ON FINALLY ADDED UP, & I FINALLY CRAWLED OUT OF MY “BUCKET OF CREAM.” IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I BET THE MOUSE WAS EASILY EXCITED, THOUGH NO1 CHEERED 4 HIM!

GRANTED, I PROBABLY HAVE “BUCKETS OF CREAM LINED UP, SO I GET OUT OF 1 & CLIMB INTO ANOTHER, BUT I PREFER 2 THINK OF MYSELF LIKE A CHILDREN’S BOOK JESS LOVES 2 READ 2 ME (I LOVE CHILDREN’S BOOKS—THEY R SHORT & SWEET & 2 THE POINT, OFTEN W/A GREAT MORAL 2 THE STORY—LIKE “I THINK I CAN!”): JESS READ “THE MISSING PIECE MEETS THE BIG O”. THE MISSING PIECE IS A TRIANGLE THAT MEETS THE BIG O (A CIRCLE), & THE BIG O ENCOURAGES THE MISSING PIECE 2 ROUND OUT its POINTY SIDES, & ROLL.

MY NEW THING IS 2 “ROUND OUT MY POINTY SIDES” MORE BY TRYING MY HAND AT FEEDING MYSELF THINGS. I OFTEN C THINGS THINKING “THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT!” BUT AS SOON AS I THINK THAT, A LITTLE “DEVIL” SAYS, “I WONDER…JUST TRY!” UTENSILS CAN BE TRICKY…IN MUSIC THERAPY, I’M WORKING ON MY GRIP BY HOLDING A LARGE, FLAT PICK, BUT I ALSO NEED 2 BALANCE THE FOOD ON THE UTENSIL, BY KEEPING THE UTENSIL STRAIGHT. I OFTEN FAIL THE 1ST TIME, BUT THEN I C WHAT WAS WRONG, SO I CAN FIX IT, & I FEEL A SMALL VICTORY W/EACH NEW FOOD I FEED MYSELF!

I’M ALSO TALKING MORE. I REALIZED IT’S HABIT 2 NOT TALK, SO I’M TRYING 2 SAY WORDS I SIGN GESTURE, OR NOD (THINGS LIKE ‘YES,’ ‘NO’, ‘I DON’T KNOW’, ‘HI’, ‘BYE’, THX U’) & SOMETIMES I SAY WHATEVER I THINK, IF IT’S A SHORT SENTENCE, EVEN IF I AM THE ONLY 1 WHO UNDERSTANDS ME! (IT’S RATHER FUN, & FIA UNDERSTANDS A LOT, SO IT’S JOKED THAT WE HAVE A “SECRET LANGUAGE) LOL WHAT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND, SHE OFTEN UNDERSTANDS IT THROUGH MY BODY LANGUAGE