JENNY’S NEWS

AFTER MY LAST POST, U’D THINK I HAVE THIS TALKING THING DOWN, BUT I DON’T…IN FACT, AS SOON AS I POSTED IT, TALKING BECAME EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, & REQUIRED SO MUCH MORE EFFORT, THAT AFTER A FEW DAYS, I STOPPED TRYING SO HARD—IT WAS EXHAUSTING JUST 2 THINK ABOUT TALKING!

I STARTED THE MONTH BY SAYING A LOT, & SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD PATIENTLY WAIT 4 ME 2 TALK, & some still do! BUT SOMETIMES, I HAVE A SUPER HARD TIME TALKING, & IF I THINK ABOUT THE WORDS INSTEAD OF JUST SPEAKING RIGHT AWAY. THE LONGER I THINK ABOUT IT, OR THE MORE I REPEAT IT, THE HARDER IT GETS 2 SAY IT!

AS THE MONTH WENT ON, THE EFFORT LEVEL INCREASED, & I STARTED GETTING IMPATIENT W/MYSELF (& I SAW THE KIDS GETTING IMPATIENT TOO). UNFORTUNATELY, WHEN THE EFFORT LEVEL IS HIGH, SOMETIMES I CAN BARELY GET OUT ANYTHING, SO I’D LOSE FAITH IN MYSELF, & DO WHAT WAS EASY: I WOULD GIVE UP, & SIGN. & THE MORE I DID THAT, THE WORSE I GOT AT RELYING ON MY ASL VERSUS MY SPEECH!

NOW I SIGN TOO MUCH BECUZ I FEAR NOT BEING UNDERSTOOD! BUT THE REALITY IS THAT NOW MY FAMILY HAS GOTTEN SO GOOD AT UNDERSTANDING ME, JUST AS A MOTHER STARTS UNDERSTANDING HER TALKING TODDLER,, THAT WHILE A STRANGER MAY NOT UNDERSTAND ME, THEY DO (I CAN’T TELL U HOW MANY TIMES I THOUGHT, “THERE’S NO WAY THEY UNDERSTOOD THAT—EVEN I DIDN’T UNDRSTAND ME!”…BUT THEY DO KNOW WHAT I SAID!

IT IS WEIRD, CUZ I HAVE “PHASES” WHERE I TALK AWESOME! 1 MIN. I TRY & CAN’T TALK 4 THE LIFE OF ME, BUT THE NEXT I CAN, & THEY LAST 15 MIN.-1 HOUR, (BUT SINCE MY HUSBAND SEEMS 2 RARELY BE AROUND WHEN IT HAPPENS, & SINCE HE READS MY SIGN SO WELL, I FEAR I AM “GIVING IN…”) & ODDLY, IF I LAY DOWN, I SPEAK WITH MUCH LESS EFFORT, SO IF I HAVE TIME TO LAY DOWN, I CAN SUDDENLY TALK, WHEN I COULDN’T TALK B4, & IF I SPEAK SPONTANEOUSLY, IT IS EASY & CLEAR.

THE OTHER DILEMNAS I NOW FACE W/MY SPEECH:
1. I CAN’T COUGH! I CAN’T TELL U HOW DISCOURAGING THIS CAN BE! A BUBBLE IN THE THROAT, OR A LIITLE FLEM IN THE THROAT CAN FEEL LIKE MY VOICE HAS 2 PUSH THROUGH A BRICK WALL, IN ORDER 2 MAKE NOISE!
2. IT IS A BIG PROBLEM IF I’M TIRED! SOMETIMES JUST THE THOUGHT OF SAYING SOMETHING EXHAUSTS ME, SO I “WIMP OUT.”
3. MY EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY. MOST OF THEM I CLAM UP.
4. MY KIDS REQUEST ME JUST 2 SIGN, BECUZ IT’S SLOW, & REQUIRES A LOT OF WORK ON THEIR PART, THEY ARE IN A HURRY, OR THEY CLAIM THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND ME, WHEN I KNOW THEY DID!

BUT I THINK THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS ME, WHEN I DON’T TRUST MYSELF. ALL THE ABOVE ARE VALID ISSUES, BUT I CAN USE THEM AS AN EXCUSE, & THEN NOT ACCEPT THE TRUTH: IT’S HARD, & I DON’T WANT 2 DO WHAT’S HARD! EVERYTHING I DO IS HARD, & I AM TIRED, SO THE EXCUSES, WHILE TRUE, MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT, WHEN I SIGN, & DISAPPOINT MYSELF! (I CAN HEAR MY HUSBAND SAYING, “THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!)

THIS DOESN’T MEAN I’M “FIXED” NOW. IT MEANS I RECOGNIZE IT, BUT I STILL HAVE 2 DO WHAT’S HARD, & AT TIMES I WILL SLIP, OR FACE OTHER OBSTACLES. BUT I KNOW THE UNFORTUNATE TRUTH: IT WILL ONLY GET EASIER BY DOING WHAT’S HARD. THAT’S WHERE I ASK 4 GOD’S HELP!

THIS WEEK, I STARTED RATING MY SPEECH ON 2 SCALES:
1. HOW OFTEN I SIGN VS. SPEAK (THE # IS HIGHER THE MORE I SPEAK), &
2. HOW EASY & CLEAR IT IS WHEN I SPEAK.

ON MON., I DID NOT PUT FORTH THE TIME 2 PRACTICE MY SPEECH WELL, & IT SHOWED ON TUESDAY, AS MY RATE OF SPEECH DRAMATICALLY FELL FROM A 7 TO A 2…SO TUES., I PRACTICED, BUT IT WAS HARD TO PRACTICE, CUZ I WAS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME VOCALIZING., & REALLY WAS LACKING THE MOTIVATION TO PRACTICE. WED. IS ALWAYS MY SPEAKING DAY, BUT BECUZ I STILL HADN’T PRACTICED WELL THE DAY BEFORE, IT WAS HARD TO TALK AGAIN ON WED. OF COURSE, I GOT NERVOUS, CUZ THAT DAY, I COULDN’T SIGN (WELL, I DID GIVE IN A FEW TIMES—HENCE A 9.5 RATE IN HOW OFTEN I SPOKE VS. SIGNED, BUT IT WAS ONLY A “2” ON HOW EASY/CLEAR MY SPEECH WAS). SO I PRACTICED A LOT, WARMING UP MY VOICE…BUT IT DIDN’T REALLY HELP ME THAT DAY…HOWEVER, THURSDAY, I ROCKETED BACK UP, & COULD TALK AGAIN! I KNEW IT MATTERED 2 PRACTICE, BUT I’VE NEVER SEEN SUCH DRAMATIC RESULTS IN THE 4-5 MONTHS I’VE BEEN KEEPING A PRACTICE LOG! THURS., I MADE SURE 2 PRACTICE, & FRIDAY, I AGAIN WAS ENJOYING BEING ABLE 2 TALK. HOWEVER, I RAN OUT OF PRACTICE TIME THURS., & GOT DISTRACTED WHEN I FOUND MORE TIME, SO MY SPEECH ON FRIDAY WASN’T AS GOOD AS IT COULD HAVE BEEN. STILL, I FORGET HOW AWESOME IT IS 2 NOT HAVE 2 WAIT 4 SOME1 TO LOOK AT ME, SO I CAN TALK! & HAVING A GLIMPSE OF THAT MOTIVATES ME TO PRACTICE EACH DAY, SO I CAN ENJOY THE RESULT THE NEXT DAY!

I REALIZED THAT THIS ALL RELATES 2 OUR SPIRITUALAITY…IF WE DON’T PUT FORTH “PRACTICE TIME” (READING SCRIPTURES, PRAYING), THEN IT GETS HARDER 2 FEEL THE SPIRIT. & IF THE SPIRIT ISN’T THERE, IT’S HARD 2 “PRACTICE.” BUT WHEN WE DESPERATELY NEED IT, SO WE MAKE OURSELVES REALLY “PRACTICE,” THE SPIRIT COMES BACK…BUT NOT ALWAYS RIGHT AWAY, LIKE WE MAY HOPE! HOWEVER, WHEN THE SPIRIT OF GOD IS BACK W/US, WE REJOICE, HAVING FORGOT HOW AWESOME IT IS TO HAVE IT!

STILL, IF WE RUN OUT OF “PRACTICE TIME” (SAY WE DON’T PRAY, BUT READ OUR SCRIPTURES), THEN WHILE WE ARE GOOD, WE ARE NOT AS GOOD AS WE COULD BE! HOWEVER, HAVING A GLIMPSE AT WHAT IS POSSIBLE, CAN HELP MOTIVATE US TO DO THE THINGS WE NEED TO DO DAILY, TO KEEP OUR SPIRITUAL HEALTH STRONG!

I SEEM 2 BE AT THE TOP OF MY TALKING CYCLE AGAIN (I DO KEEP TRACK, & RECORD MY PRACTICE INFO FOR MUSIC THERAPY), & THOUGH I SEEM 2 BE IN THE BEGINNING STAGES OF THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL, I’M FIGHTING IT, BY TRYING 2 TALK MORE THAN I SIGN. I HAVE TRIED THIS B4 & FAILED BY GIVING IN & SIGNING, BUT I HOPE I WILL DO BETTER NOW THAT MY SPEECH IS GETTING BETTER.

LAST WEEK WAS A TALKING WEEK: I HAVE TALKED SO WELL, NON-FAMILY MEMBERS, WHO DON’T SEE ME MUCH, COULD TALK 2 ME (I.E. FRIENDS WHO VISIT, THE PIANO TEACHER, A COMPUTER GUY, ETC.)! I STILL SIGN & WRITE, BUT FRIDAY WAS ESPECIALLY EXCITING, BECUZ I NEVER TOLD MY MUSIC THERAPIST 1 THING W/O TALKING (USUALLY, I WRITE 2 HER, SINCE SHE DOESN’T SIGN). & SUNDAY, I ACTUALLY ATTEMPTED 2 SING AT CHURCH, & SINCE IT WAS A TALKING DAY, 2 MY DELIGHT, SOUND ACTUALLY CAME OUT ON OCCASION, & WAS ON PITCH—USUALLY, I CAN’T GET OUT OF MY LOWER, “CHEST” VOICE!

I HAVE BEEN DOING 1-2 “NO SIGNING” DAYS (WHERE I CAN’T SIGN & CAN ONLY TALK) EVERY WEEK—I ALWAYS DO WEDNESDAY, NO MATTER WHAT. THERE ARE OCCASIONS WHERE I CHEAT, BUT I TRY NOT TO. “NO SIGNING” DAYS ARE GOOD CUZ THEY FORCE ME TO PRACTICE TALKING. (THE TONGUE IS A MUSCLE, SO IT NEEDS PRACTICE.) HOWEVER, THOUGH IT CAN BE FRUSTRATING 2 HAVE 2 TALK, ONCE AGAIN, THXS TO “SENTENCE SHAPER 2,” I’VE LEARNED 2 SLOW IT DOWN, SEPARATE THE WORDS (EVEN 2 MAYBE SAY JUST 1 WORD AT A TIME), & ENUNCIATE (AS I LISTENED 2 RECORDINGS OF MYSELF, I’D NOTICE HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS 2 SAY EVERY CONSONANT IN A WORD). 4 EX., WHEN WE SAY FAMILY PRAYERS, WE DON’T SAY THE SAME THING EVERYTIME. SO IF I PRAY OUT LOUD, INSTEAD OF SIGNING IT, SINCE MY FOCUS IS NOT ON SLOWING DOWN 2 CAREFULLY FORM EACH LETTER & SPACE APART THE WORDS, ALL THE WORDS SLUR TOGETHER.
LET ME LEAVE U WITH SOMETHING I HEARD ON MY 1ST “NO SIGNING” DAY:
“… patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort
Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed.
…. God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways… Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness.
Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most.”
April 2010, Continue in Patience

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/continue-in-patience?lang=eng

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, & LOTS OF TRIAL & ERROR! SEVERAL OLD POSTS COME 2 MIND, LIKE DUMPING WATER ALL OVER MYSELF AT CHURCH!) BUT “When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound. Rebuild those plans and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.” Author Unknown)

YEARS OF BABY STEPS & LOTS OF PATIENCE. I STARTED SMALL & I HAD AN ARM BRACE AT 1ST. I EVENTUALLY GOT A “TREAT MACHINE” (IT LOOKS LIKE A GERBIL FEEDER, & I TWIST A DIAL, SO SNACKS FALL IN A BOWL). THERE’S A PICTURE OF BOTH ON MY BLOG, ON A SCRAPBOOK PAGE CALLED“JENNY’S WAY”–http://www.jenannlynn.org/?page_id=648 . ANYWAY, I KEPT FEEDING MYSELF, & MY ARM GOT STRONGER. MEANWHILE, MY MUSIC THERAPIST HAD ME LIFTING 1 LB. WEIGHTS 2 MUSIC, WORKING ON MY GRIP, & WORKING ON MY AIM. I WAS A MESS AT 1ST, & 4 A WHILE, I STOPPED, CUZ IT BOTHERED ME THAT THERE WAS MORE FOOD AROUND ME, THAN IN ME! BUT WHEN I WAS LOSING WEIGHT, I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE, & WATCHING A BABY GROW INTO A TODDLER HAS ITS BENEFITS! ? STILL, EVERYTIME I EAT, I HAVE 2 PRACTICE THE ANGLE 2 HOLD FOOD ON A UTENSIL—SO THE 1ST FEW BITES ARE MESSIER. HENCE, I PREFER MY HAND! LOL

WHAT’S IMPORTANT 2 REMEMBER IS 2 ENJOY & APPLAUD URSELF 4 EACH SMALL ACCOMPLISHMENT ALONG THE WAY, & 2 ENJOY WHAT U HAVE, CUZ IT MAY BE AS GOOD AS IT GETS, BUT DON’T LET THAT MAKE U GET COMPLACENT!
“Aim at the sun and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if you had aimed at an object on a level with yourself.” Author Unknown

THEN WHEN IT GETS BETTER, U CAN BE SURPRISED & THRILLED!

“Believe in yourself. Believe in your capacity to do great and good things. Believe that no mountain is so high that you cannot climb it. Believe that no storm is so great that you cannot weather it. You are not destined to be a scrub. You are a child of God, of infinite capacity.”
Gordon B. Hinckley

I WENT UPSTAIRS 2 GET LUNCH FRIDAY. ONLY MK WAS HOME, BUT IT APPEARED LIKE HE WAS RESTING, & I DIDN’T HAVE THE HEART 2 WAKE HIM UP, SO I OPTED 2 SEE IF I COULD GET MYSELF LUNCH…IT WASN’T TOO LOFTY OF A GOAL, BECUZ I HAD DONE THE STEPS B4:
1. A FEW WEEKS AGO, I HAD USED MY GRABBER, & GOTTEN A CUP OUT OF A CABINET, FILLED IT W/WATER, & PUT ON THE LID
2. SOPHIE HAS BEEN WORKING W/ME 2 GET A PAPER TOWEL BIB MYSELF, & I TRY 2 PUT THEM BACK ON ALL THE TIME, IF THEY FALL
3. I HAVE GONE IN OUR PANTRY, GOTTEN A GRANOLA BAR OUT, & OPENED IT UP
4. I HAVE GONE IN OUR BREAD DRAWER, TAKEN OUT MY FAVORITE WHEAT BREAD, UNTIED THE BAG, GOTTEN A PIECE OUT, & RE-TIED THE BAG

SO, I GOT MYSELF WATER, THEN A BIB, BREAD, & A BANANA (THEY WERE GETTING OLD, SO IT EASILY PULLED OFF, LEAVING AN OPENING AT THE TOP, SO I COULD PEEL THE BANANA. A STEP-STOOL BLOCKED OUR BASKET OF GRANOLA BARS, BUT I GOT SOME MORE BREAD INSTEAD! LOL WHAT AN AWESOME FEELING OF SUCCESS!

L8R, ON BYU’S SATELLITE RADIO STATION, THEY WERE DISCUSSING SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT (I THINK THE BOOK WAS CALLED, “WHY DOESN’T MY CHILD LLIKE SCHOOL?”), BUT THE THINGS THAT WERE BEING SAID TOTALLY APPLIED 2 MY SITUATION, CUZ THEY WERE DISCUSSING HOW IT IS NOT BAD 2 FAIL…U HAVE 2 TRY 2 FAIL, SO FAILLING IS NOT TRYING, & “PERSISTANCE RESULTS IN SUCCESS.”

COURSE, THE SUCCESS DOESN’T MEAN I’M FEEDING MYSELF NOW, UNLESS I WANT THE SAME FOOD FOR EVERY MEAL, & I WANT 2 SPEND 40 MIN. DOING IT EACH TIME, BUTIT’S NICE KNOWING THAT I CAN DO THAT MUCH INDEPENDENTLY!