JENNY'S NEWS

BAD DAYS

Jenny — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 22:31:45 +0000

A FEW DAYS AGO, I’D SAY I WAS GREAT. NOW IT’S GETTING HARDER, & ALL THE KIDS’ ACTIVITIES ARE DONE. IN JUNE WE WENT 2 IDAHO & UTAH, & HAD FUN. I HAD A MINOR OUTPATIENT SURGERY IN JULY.THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE BEEN SUPER ROUGH. I’M EITHER FIGHTING A PITY PARTY, OR NEEDING 2 WITHDRAW & BE UTTERLY ALONE (HARD 2 DO IN MY SHOES!), ETC.

WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS, ME INCLUDED!

I ISOLATE MYSELF ON BAD DAYS, & REFUSE 2 POST, BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST WHAT I TYPE–I TEND 2 REGRET IT L8R… I DON’T TRUST ME! I HAVE POSTED THAT ROUGH DAYS EXIST, BUT NEVER EXPAND ON IT…

HOWEVER, I RECENTLY READ A Change in the Weather by Mark McEwen, & TOTALLY RELATED 2 A STATEMENT HE MADE. IT HAS THIS QUOTE ABOUT HOW Mark McEwen FELT, IMMEDIATELY AFTER A STROKE

“Emotionally, I was a little all over the place. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to be alive, given the events that had played out in my brain, and blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends and family. I understood that, even though everything else was a muddle. I also understood that I was determined to work my way back to how I was. But underneath all that, I was also scared and stubborn and tentative and confused. And probably a little angry too. It was a strange mix of emotions, and what was particularly unsettling was that I was unable to articulate what I was feeling. I can’t stress this enough; there was no place to deposit all those runaway emotions, because my body wasn’t working good enough to put them into words and download them onto someone else. So there was a kind of bubbling frustration going on inside my head. It felt like I was about to burst. Typically, Denise and I would talk about everything; whatever we were facing, whatever we were worried about, we’d deal with it together. But here I couldn’t even manage to tell her what was on my mind. It was a maddening thing; to be so plugged in at certain moments to what was happening; and yet at the same time, to be so hopelessly unable to express myself. It’s like I was watching my life play out behind a 2-way mirror from a sound-proof room; like I was there and not there all at the same time. I was a participant and an observer all at once. I could see and hear and understand everything that was going on around me, but it was hard to get anyone else to see or hear or understand me. This was a huge handicap, let me tell you, and I wasn’t at all prepared for it!”

THOUGH IT’S BEEN 6 YEARS, I CAN STILL FEEL THAT WAY SOMEDAYS, BUT ON THOSE DAYS, I’M SO VERY GRATEFUL 4 THE GOSPEL KNOWLEDGE I HAVE, & MY BELIEF IN CHRIST. I BELIEVE THAT CHRIST UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL, EVEN IF I CAN’T EXPRESS MYSELF. THIS GIVES ME A GLIMMER OF HOPE, EVEN ON THE WORST OF DAYS.

IN ADDITION, I WAS “SUPERMOM” B4 MY STROKE, & DID SO MUCH. IT KILLED ME 2 SIT STILL–I EVEN HAD A BAG 2 KEEP ME BUSY IF I WATCHED TV, & LAUNDRY WAS DONE. BUT THE STROKE ALSO FORCED ME 2 STOP…U CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW BAD I WAS THE 1ST FEW DAYS, AS I SAT THERE WANTING 2 DO STUFF, BUT COULDN’T!

BUT IT FORCED ME 2 C WHAT WAS IMPORTANT. ALL I DID WAS GREAT & ALL, BUT WE SURVIVED W/O IT. IT STILL HAD MEANING–LIKE KEEPING A JOURNAL, SOMETHING I VALUE–BUT IT LOST IMPORTANCE. MOST IMPORTANT WAS MY FAMILY. IF NOTHING ELSE REMAINED, MY FAMILY MATTERED.

EVERY NOW & THEN, AS I GAIN INDEPENDENCE, I NEED THAT REMINDER, & THINK, “AH, THE GOOD OL’ DAYS!” THEN I AM REMINDED, HOW BAD CAN IT BE 2 BE REDUCED TO A LIFE OF READING, WRITING, PONDERING, AND MEDITATION. AS A FRIEND SAID,”SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT! “

P.S. ZACH’S HOME 2NIGHT FROM THE 100TH ANN. BOY SCOUT JAMBOREE IN VIRGINIA. HE’S AN EAGLE SCOUT NOW, BUT HIS CEREMONY IS IN SEPT.

MUSICAL THEATER CAMPS

Jenny — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 23:14:44 +0000

THE GIRLS RECENTLY WERE IN MUSICAL THEATER CAMPS, FOR 1-2 WEEKS, & FINISHED BY HAVING PERFORMANCES. THE PROUD MAMA WANTS 2 SHARE! LOL
.
Sophia & her cousins, Sky, and Thalia in “Annie”

Jess does her Dr Dillamond scene in” Wicked”

& 4 FUN, Jess sings popular

Enjoy!

JESS IS A LOT LIKE HOW I WAS…IT’S ACTUALLY SCARY HOW ALIKE WE R. I EVEN KNOW HER THOUGHTS AS SHE SINGS…

I’M STILL HERE!

Jenny — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 16:50:36 +0000

I RECENTLY WENT ON A TRIP. ON MY TRIP, WE VISITED IDAHO (& MK’S CHILDHOOD FRIEND ON A RANCH), & WENT 2 MY BROTHER’S WEDDING IN UTAH. I DID VOCALIZE A LOT AT TIMES (THOUGH, I WAS 2 SICK AT MY BROTHER’S WEDDING 2 DO MUCH)–I LIKED FREAKING OUT PEOPLE, & IF I WAS ALONE, I SOMETIMES “SANG” W/THE RADIO.

4 AN EARLY B-DAY PRESENT, I GOT AN I-PAD JUST B4 WE LEFT. 4 THE 1ST TIME IN 6 YRS., I TRULY VACATIONED! AT TIMES I HAD NO INTERNET, SO I PLAYED TONS OF GAMES (FINISHED MY 1ST SODUKO GAME), LISTENED 2 BOOKS, WATCHED MOVIES, & SINCE IT WAS NEW, I EXPLOARD WHAT IT COULD DO…MY FAV. DISCOVERY WAS PLAYING MUSIC AS I PLAYED GAMES

I’M STILL WORKING OUT THE BUGS SO I CAN TYPE, SO I MOSTLY JUST READ EMAILS & RARELY USED THE SPEAKING PROGRAM (IF I DID, IT WAS 2 READ AN EMAIL I CUT & PASTED). BUT I LOVE IT THOUGH. IT’S WONDERFUL. IT MADE THE VACATION MORE BEARABLE, & ALLOWED ME 2 HAVE MY OWN VACATION–I NEVER PLAY GAMES, BUT CERTAIN 1S, I SHOULD! & IT WAS GREAT SPIRITUALLY, BECAUSE I GET DAILY EMAILS FROM READTHESCRIPTURES.COM (I SO RECOMMEND THEM, AS I CAN READ ENLARGED TEXT, AS I LISTEN & HIGHLIGHT, THOUGH ON THE I-PAD, I JUST LISTENED. & I ONLY GET REMINDERS UNTIL I READ/LISTENE), & IT MADE ROUGH DAYS BETTER.

LAST FRI., I HAD A MEDICAL PROCEDURE. IT WAS AN OUTPATIENT PROCEDURE/SURGERY, SO NO CUTS. THE BAD PART SEEMS BEHIND ME. I WAS SO SICK AT 1ST (EMBARASSING, AFTER 3 BABIES W/NO DRUGS, BEING AWAKE AS MY THROAT WAS CUT 4 A SURGERY, & MORE), BUT I WANTED 2 BE ALONE–I WASN’T UP 2 TALKING, EXCEPT 2 MK. HE WAS AWESOME WHILE I RECOVERED! BUT FEEL PRETTY GOOD NOW, JUST WEAK, & NOT SURE IF I’M WEAK FROM 2 1/2 WEEKS OFF, OR FROM THE PROCEDURE! LOL STILL, I DID MUSIC THERAPY WED.

FYI, ON MY WEBSITE, THERE’S ASL CHART (MADE W/MY HAND, & THE HANDS R UPSIDE DOWN, 4 THOSE SITTING ACROSS FROM ME), IT’S ON THE FAR RT., UNDER SCRAPBOOKING, CALLED “JENNY-ESE ASL “, & IT’S PRINTABLE. BUT MY GOAL IS 2 MAKE A SECTION ON THE RT., & INCLUDE SOME ASL TIPS I TYPED 4 THE YOUNG WOMEN AT CHURCH. IT WOULD PROVIDE GREAT REVIEW 4 “OUT-OF-TOWNERS”, SO I DON’T GET AS WIPED OUT. I C AN BE PATIENT–HECK, I GET 2 TALK!-BUT GOING 2 SLOW EXHAUSTS ME!

My list of “I can’s”

Jenny — Thu, 27 May 2010 15:08:44 +0000

IN , “MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING,” VICTOR E. FRANKL SAID:. “… a very trifling thing can cause the greatest of joys.” [Man's Search for Meaning, Pages 61-62.]
I CAN MOVE ONLY MY HEAD & HAVE LIMITED USE OF MY RT. ARM, BUT I CAN DO SO MUCH! CONSIDERING MY LAST POST, HERE’S My list of “I can’s”:
1. BREATHE ON MY OWN
2. “TUBE FREE” (CATHTER, TRACHE, FEEDING TUBE ALL GONE)
3. I SPEAK A MODIFIED ASL–I CALL IT “JENNY-ESE.” LOL
4. USE A POWERCHAIR
5. USE A TOILET
6. TURN ON/OFF LIGHTS
7. TURN ON/OFF TV
8. RELEARNED TO SWALLOW
9. RELEARNED TO SUCK FROM STRAWS
10. WIPE FACE CLEAN
11. FEEDMYSELF W/O HELP
12. OPEN/CLOSE MOST DOORS
13. SCRAPBOOK
14. TYPE (EMAILS, JOURNAL)
15. PUT IN/TAKE OUT CDS
16. OPEN/CLOSE CD CASE
17. UNWRAP STUFF (LIKE SOME FOOD & OTHER PACKAGED ITEMS—LIKE A CD CASE)
18. TURN MY COMP. ON/OFF
19. PUT CDS IN MY COMP.
20. STICK OUT MY TONGUE
21. ARM WRESTLE–& WIN!
22. DO KNEE BENDS
23. LEAN FORWARD
24. “TEACH” (I TEACH GIRLS AT CHURCH, WHO R 12-18 YRS.)
25. PAINT-I WATERCOLORED
26. LEARNING 2 TALK
27. SAY SOME WORDS & PHRASES
28. PLAY RECORDER
29. PLAY PIANO
30. PLAY AUTOHARP
31. PLAY GUITAR
32. VELCRO MY LEFT ARM
33. SOMETIMES MOVE MY OWN BUTT!
34. GIVE MYSELF MEDICINE
35. HELP CARE 4 MOST BABIES
36. ACTIVELY PARENTING MY KIDS
37. THROW AWAY TRASH
38. GIVE WAGON RIDES
39. I’M EQUIPPED 2 RIDE BIKES
40. PLAY RED ROVER
41. BAKE PIES
42. COLOR
43. WRITE
44. BOWLING
45. SCRATCH THE TOP OF MY HEAD
46. TAKING THE BREAD IN SACRAMENT, AT CHURCH
47. LIFT LEGS, 2GETHER OR ALTERNATING
48. ON OCCASION, I CAN NOT ONLY PUT MY RIGHT FOOT ON MY FOOTREST, BUT ALSO PULL IT BACK ON MY FOOTREST, W/O NEEDING HELP
49. IF HELD RIGHT, I CAN WALK
SURE THERE’S MORE …

Do you feel you could consider yourself lucky

Jenny — Sat, 22 May 2010 01:41:41 +0000

RECENTLY, MY BROTHER ASKED ME, “Do you feel you could consider yourself lucky?” IT WAS A BAD DAY WHEN I WROTE, BUT I THOUGHT I SHOULD SHARE MY RESPONSE (IN ITALICS–KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS WAS WRITTEN W/A LDS “MORMON” PERSPECTIVE):

OVERALL I GUESS YES, I FEEL LUCKY, THOUGH LUCK IS NOT THE WORD I’D USE. WITHOUT MY STROKE, MY TESTIMONY PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE GROWN NEAR WHAT IT HAS, & I WOULDN’T HAVE NEARLY THE SAME RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST. I HAVE MY SHARE OF ROUGH DAYS, BUT SO MUCH CHANGES WHEN U FIND YOURSELF RELYING ON THE SPIRIT 2 TELL OTHERS ABOUT YOUR BASIC NEEDS & WHEN U SPEND HOURS EACH MORNING LAYING IN BED, PRAYING, PONDERING, & SEEKING INSPIRATION. I GAURANTEE THESE WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF I COULD WALK & TALK!

A GOSPEL PERSPECTIVE MAKES ME REALLY LUCKY. IT CHANGES SO MUCH, & STRENGTHENS ME. I WAS SEVERELY CHALLENGED THAT 1ST YEAR, & I COULDN’T HAVE PULLED THROUGH W/O MK. I NEEDED 2 HEAR WHAT HE SAID. (U KNOW, “BEHIND EVERY GREAT (WOMAN) IS A GREATER (MAN).) 2 THIS DAY, HE HELPS ME KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. I’M LUCKY 2 HAVE THAT.

I WAS PREPARED 4 THIS IN SO MANY WAYS. I HAD “SPIRITUAL FUEL” BUILT UP, LIKE THE FIVE WISE VIRGINS WHO HAD SUFFICIENT SPIRITUAL FUEL WHEN THEY NEEDED IT AND THE BRIDEGROOM CAME. (THERE IS A PARABLE IN THE BIBLE THAT MOST OF YOU ARE PROBABLY FAMILIAR WITH WHERE 10 VIRGINS ARE GIVEN THE HONOR TO ATTEND A WEDDING & ARE TOLD TO KEEP THEIR LAMPS FULL OF OIL SO THEY WILL BE PREPARED WHEN THE BRIDEGROOM COMES. SOME OF THEM ARE FOOLISH AND DON’T HAVE ENOUGH OIL & MISS OUT ON THE OPPORTUNITY. SOME ARE WISE AND HAVE ENOUGH OIL)

WHEN I HAD MY STROKE, I NEEDED ENOUGH SPIRITUAL FUEL TO GET THROUGH IT. I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT ALONE THESE LAST 6 YEARS. THERE WERE DAYS IT FELT WAY TO HEAVY TO BEAR THINGS ALONE. LUCKILY, I WASN’T EMPTY-HANDED AND HAD “SPIRITUAL FUEL.” THERE WERE MANY WAYS THAT MY “LAMP WAS FILLED:”

THROUGH MY PREVIOUS CALLING AS PRIMARY CHORISTER, I HAD REALLY BUILT UP MY TESTIMONY. IN A WAY, IT WAS A “SPIRITUAL HIGH,” SO WHEN MY STROKE HIT SO SUDDENLY, WITHOUT ANY REASON OR WARNING, I WONDERED WHY BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN WHEN WE FEEL WE ARE DOING SO WELL.

BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT I NEEDED A “FULL LAMP OF OIL,” AND SINCE I WAS OBEDIENT TO THE CALLING I HAD (JUST PRIOR TO MY STROKE), MY “LAMP” WAS OVERFLOWING WITH SPIRITUAL FUEL. IF IT EVER RAN LOW, I COULD JUST LISTEN TO MY KIDS SING THE TESTIMONY WE SHARED AND THAT I HAD TAUGHT THEM AND THAT WOULD REFILL MY LAMP.

• JUST TWO DAYS BEFORE MY STROKE, I HAD ACCEPTED AN ADDITIONAL CALLING TO BE THE GIRLS’ CAMP DIRECTOR. I WAS ALSO PREPARING AN EASTER SOLO FOR THE WARD CHOIR. AT THE TIME, I QUESTIONED WHY I NEEDED TO DO THESE THINGS IF THE LORD HAD KNOWN WHAT WAS IN STORE FOR ME. BUT THE STRENGTH I RECEIVED FROM MY TWO CALLINGS AND MY PARTICIPATION IN THE CHOIR WAS AMAZING. IT GAVE ME A WILL TO LIVE AND STRENGTH TO GET BETTER FOR ALL WHO COUNTED ON ME.

• IN ADDITION, MY FAMILY HAS ALWAYS DONE WELL TO IMPLEMENT FHE’S (FAMILY HOME EVENINGS–SOMETHING THAT WE DO EVERY MONDAY NIGHT AS A FAMILY WHERE WE HAVE A LESSON, SING SONGS & PRAY TOGETHER, HAVE AN ACTIVITY, ETC. IT ALLOWS US TO SHARE GOSPEL PRINCIPLES WE FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN IN A MORE CASUAL SETTING THAN CHURCH OR SUNDAY SCHOOL) AND WITH ME FEELING WELL OR NOT, THEY CARRIED ON. HOW MY LAMP WAS FILLED WHEN THE GOSPEL WAS BROUGHT TO ME IN THE HOSPITAL WHILE I WASN’T ABLE TO ATTEND CHURCH MYSELF. IT WAS AN ADDITIONAL STRENGTH TO HEAR OTHERS TESTIMONIES (WE SHARE OUR TESTIMONIES ON THE FIRST MONDAY OF THE MONTH IN OUR FHE) AND TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING BESIDE MYSELF.

• THE HABITS WE FORM ARE ALSO IMPORTANT. WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS UNEXPECTEDLY, WE SORT OF KICK INTO “AUTOMATIC MODE.” FHE WAS THAT WAY: IT WASN’T SOMETHING TO REMEMBER TO DO – WE JUST DID IT! ALSO, I DID ALL IN MY POWER TO RETURN TO CHURCH BECAUSE I HAD FAITHFULLY ATTENDED BEFORE, SO I JUST BELONGED THERE! SO DURING TIMES OF TRIAL, WHAT CAN WE DO TO SHOW THAT WE HAVE FAITH IN GOD?” KEEP OUR “LAMPS FILLED WITH OIL” BY CONTINUING TO PRAY, KEEP READING OUR SCRIPTURES, FAST, ATTEND THE TEMPLE, ETC. WE NEED TO BE LIKE THE FIVE WISE VIRGINS AND HAVE SUFFICIENT SPIRITUAL FUEL WHEN WE NEED IT BY “FILLING OUR LAMPS” NOW.

• I WAS ALSO FORTUNATE TO HAVE MY “LAMP FILLED” TIME AND TIME AGAIN BY MY ETERNAL COMPANION, MARK, AND BY THE PROMPTINGS OF THE HOLY GHOST. THERE WERE TIMES IT WAS DANGEROUSLY LOW AND MY “LAMP” WAS FILLED FOR ME. WHETHER MARRIED OR SINGLE, NO ONE IS EVER FORGOTTEN! EVEN IF THE PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH MESS UP, THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT GOD PERSONALLY KNOW US AND OUR TRIALS AND LEADS, PROTECTS, AND WATCHES OVER US.

ALSO, SEVERAL YEARS PRIOR 2 MY STROKE (SINCE I COULDN’T SIT STILL & JUST WATCH TV), DURING GENERAL CONFERENCE, I WOULD COLOR, CUT, & LAMINATE THINGS 4 MY PRIMARY CHORISTER CALLING, & 4 ME, AS A MOTHER. 1 THING WAS 4 “THE TEACHER IN ME”: I MADE TONS OF FILE FOLDER ACTIVTIES. SOME I KNEW WERE 2 TOUGH 4 THEM, BUT I HAD THE TIME THEN 2 MAKE THEM, & KNEW THEY’D GROW INTO THEM…THEY STILL HAVE THOSE FILES 2DAY! HOW FUN IT IS 2 POINT 2 MYSELF, WHEN FIA ASKS WHO MADE IT! I AM LUCKY THAT I WAS PROMPTED 2 DO MANY SMALL THINGS LIKE THAT!

LAST CHRISTMAS, MK MADE ME A “GREATEST HITS” CD OF SOLOS, PERFORMANCES, ETC. EVEN W/MISSING A FEW THINGS, I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE HOW FULL MY LIFE WAS IN JUST A FEW SHORT YEARS…MOST PEOPLE COULDN’T ACCOMPLISH THAT MUCH IN ALIFETIME! SO, I WASN’T “SHAFTED.”

BASICALLY, I FEEL “LUCKY” ENOUGH TO HAVE HAD MY LAMP FULL BY THE EXPERIENCES THAT I HAD PRIOR 2 MY STROKE – AND THAT BY DOING MY WORK IN MY CALLINGS AND BY PREPARING THINGS AHEAD OF TIME FOR MY CHILDREN, I HAD BOTH THE SPIRITUAL STAMINA 2 GET THROUGH THAT DIFFICULT TIME AS WELL AS BE ABLE 2 ENJOY SEEING MY CHILDREN NOW USE THINGS THAT I CREATED FOR THEM (LIKE THE FILE FOLDERS).

AFTER THEN READING SOMETHING JACK RUSHTON (AN LDS MAN, PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN) TYPED. AFTER I READ IT, THE COMMENT I MOST APPRECIATED WAS, “Lying in bed I truly feel handicapped, but in my chair, sitting upright, just think of what I can do. “ HOW TRUE THAT STATEMENT IS! IF U LOOK AT ME, I’M EXTREMELY INCAPABLE OF SO MUCH, BUT THOSE WHO KNOW ME ARE SHOCKED BY ALL THE “I CAN’S.” MANY OF THOSE IN MY CONDITION ARE LIMITED 2 A LIFETIME OF BLINKING, YET THEY “WRITE” BOOKS & DO OTHER FEATS THAT SEEM ALARMING. I AM INDEED LUCKY, BECUZ ALL I HAVE WAS GOD’S 2 TAKE AWAY, YET I WAS CHOSEN 2 HAVE JUST ENOUGH GIVEN BACK 2 DO SO MUCH MORE!

ROUNDING OUT MY POINTY SIDES

Jenny — Sat, 08 May 2010 00:17:52 +0000

I’M EASILY MADE HAPPY THESE DAYS! I’M SO EXCITED! TUESDAY, AS I WATCHED FIA AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, I FED MYSELF BREAKFAST (I’M RARELY THE NEATEST EATER, BUT THIS WAS FINGER FOODSM WHICH ARE EASIER 2 EAT).

THE BEST PART: I DRANK WATER FROM A REAL CUP, W/A CHICK-FELL-A STRAW! IT’S A THIN STRAW, SO I WASN’T SURE I COULD DO IT–ESP. SINCE I OFTEN CAN’T PUCKER W/OTHERS THERE–I OFTEN SMILE! BUT I KNEW WATER WAS MY BAST SHOT, SINCE IT’S THE THINNEST LIQUID, SO I FIGURED IT MAY BE THE EASIEST 2 SUCK UP.

PLUS, IT’S CLEAR, SO IF I DROOLED W/NO BIB, IT WAS OK. BUT I DIDN’T DROOL! & I ATE LIKE ANY1 ELSE…I WAS JUST A MOM AT TRACK & FIELD DAY, SITTING IN THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE & EATING. NO BIB. NO TILTED CHAIR. IT FELT SO GOOD 2 FEEL SOME RESEMBLANCE 2 NORMAL!

WHEN WE GOT HOME, I DECIDED 2 AGAIN C THE MOVIE “CATCH ME IF U CAN”. THERE’S A STORY USED SEVERAL TIMES THAT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
“THERE WERE 2 MICE THAT FELL IN A BUCKET OF CREAM. 1 IMMEDIATELY GAVE UP & DROWNED. THE OTHER STRUGGLED SO MUCH & 4 SO LONG, IT TURNED THE CREAM INTO BUTTER & CRAWLED OUT.”

AT TIMES, I BELIEVE I DO THINGS LIKE THE 2ND MOUSE, & TUESDAY EVERYTHING I’VE WORKED ON FINALLY ADDED UP, & I FINALLY CRAWLED OUT OF MY “BUCKET OF CREAM.” IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I BET THE MOUSE WAS EASILY EXCITED, THOUGH NO1 CHEERED 4 HIM!

GRANTED, I PROBABLY HAVE “BUCKETS OF CREAM LINED UP, SO I GET OUT OF 1 & CLIMB INTO ANOTHER, BUT I PREFER 2 THINK OF MYSELF LIKE A CHILDREN’S BOOK JESS LOVES 2 READ 2 ME (I LOVE CHILDREN’S BOOKS—THEY R SHORT & SWEET & 2 THE POINT, OFTEN W/A GREAT MORAL 2 THE STORY—LIKE “I THINK I CAN!”): JESS READ “THE MISSING PIECE MEETS THE BIG O”. THE MISSING PIECE IS A TRIANGLE THAT MEETS THE BIG O (A CIRCLE), & THE BIG O ENCOURAGES THE MISSING PIECE 2 ROUND OUT its POINTY SIDES, & ROLL.

MY NEW THING IS 2 “ROUND OUT MY POINTY SIDES” MORE BY TRYING MY HAND AT FEEDING MYSELF THINGS. I OFTEN C THINGS THINKING “THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT!” BUT AS SOON AS I THINK THAT, A LITTLE “DEVIL” SAYS, “I WONDER…JUST TRY!” UTENSILS CAN BE TRICKY…IN MUSIC THERAPY, I’M WORKING ON MY GRIP BY HOLDING A LARGE, FLAT PICK, BUT I ALSO NEED 2 BALANCE THE FOOD ON THE UTENSIL, BY KEEPING THE UTENSIL STRAIGHT. I OFTEN FAIL THE 1ST TIME, BUT THEN I C WHAT WAS WRONG, SO I CAN FIX IT, & I FEEL A SMALL VICTORY W/EACH NEW FOOD I FEED MYSELF!

I’M ALSO TALKING MORE. I REALIZED IT’S HABIT 2 NOT TALK, SO I’M TRYING 2 SAY WORDS I SIGN GESTURE, OR NOD (THINGS LIKE ‘YES,’ ‘NO’, ‘I DON’T KNOW’, ‘HI’, ‘BYE’, THX U’) & SOMETIMES I SAY WHATEVER I THINK, IF IT’S A SHORT SENTENCE, EVEN IF I AM THE ONLY 1 WHO UNDERSTANDS ME! (IT’S RATHER FUN, & FIA UNDERSTANDS A LOT, SO IT’S JOKED THAT WE HAVE A “SECRET LANGUAGE) LOL WHAT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND, SHE OFTEN UNDERSTANDS IT THROUGH MY BODY LANGUAGE

wed.

Jenny — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 00:37:06 +0000

IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE I’VE POSTED! IT DIDN’T HELP THAT MY COMP. WAS BEING REPAIRED 4 OVER A WEEK! LOL

SINCE I WANTED 2 TYPE THIS 4 A JOURNAL, & MAYBE 4 A SCRAPBOOK PAGE (THAT I STARTED ALMOST A YEAR AGO ), I THOUGHT IT COULD ALSO SERVE AS A BLOG ENTRY:

APRIL 25, 2910
JESS WANTED HER SUNDAY BREAKFAST “LIKE MOM.” FIA WILLINGLY PLAYED CARA, HER CAREGIVER. JESS SAT IN MOM’S MANUAL W/C W/HER EGGS IN FRONT OF HER, WAITING AS FIA GOT HER A PAPER TOWEL BIB. THEN CAME MOM’S FAVORITE PART: FIA TOOK A BITE 1ST, & JESS REACTED W/A LOUD, “HEY!” (EDITOR’S NOTE:
MK & CARA NEVER DO THIS, UNLESS MOM NEEDS 2 WAIT 4 HER FOOD 2 COOL, & EVEN THEN, MK GIVES HER A DRINK OR BREAD. KEEP IN MIND THAT MOM’S FED BY MANY PEOPLE, THOUGH MOST R SENSATIVE 2 THIS.) IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG 4 JESS 2 GET FED UP WAITING, & DECIDE 2 FEED HERSELF! WHAT FOLLOWED WAS GREAT FUN 2. JESS WOULD PURPOSELY DROP FOOD, & FIA REQUESTED THAT WHEN SHE DRANK, SHE NEEDED 2 MIMIC MOM COMPLETELY…EVEN DROOL/SPIT AS SHE DRANK! IT WAS A “YOU HAD TO BE THERE” MOMENT, BUT IT WAS PRICELESS!

THEN AT CHURCH, MY ALMOST 5 MO. OLD NEICE, ELIZABETH, WAS BEING WATCHED BY MY DAD & I, AS WE WERE A ROW BEHIND HER. I KNOW THAT SINCE I CAN’T LEAVE, I NEED 2 QUICKLY REACT 2 ANY SIGNS OF STRESS, B4 IT’S A CRY…

SO, IF SHE SEEMED AT ALL STRESSED, I USED MY RIGHT HAND ON HER BENCH, 2 HELP PULL ME FWD, SO I COULD GIVE HER HER PACIFIER. BUT EVERYTIME I TRIED, SHE’D C ME & SMILE. W/MY PBA, I’DHAVE FITS OF LAUGHTER, SO MY DAD WOULD GIVE HER THE PACIFIER.

EVEN NOW, THINKING ABOUT IT, I LAUGH! I C IT FROM ELIZABETH;S PERSPECTIVE…& THIS BIG FACE WOULD SUDDENLY APPEAR! I’M SURE SHE WAS JUST HAPPY 2 C A FACE, EVEN IF I WAS JUST PLAYING “PEEK-A-BOO!” IT WAS FUNNY, THOUGH!

MON. MORN., I WAS ESTATIC ABOUT WHAT I DID WITH 1 HAND THEN. IT’S NOTHING BIG REALLY, BUT FOR 1 WHO CAN BARELY MOVE, IT WAS EXCITING!

MONDAY WAS A GOOD DAY–I WAS MORE VERBAL & STRONG, SO I PUSHED UP W/MY 1 GOOD (RIGHT) HAND ON THE ARMREST OF MY W/C, & ON MY RIGHT FOOT PEDAL JUST ENOUGH 2 MOVE MY OWN BUTT! I CONFESS THAT I STARTED DOING THAT ON OCCASION ON MY OWN, THOUGH I CAN’T ALWAYS DO IT, & IF I DO, IT’S IN THE PRIVACY OF MY HOME ELEVATOR, BECUZ IF MY LEFT LEG TRIES 2 STRAIGHTEN & STRAY FROM MY FOOTREST, IT’S STOPPED B4 IT CAN START, BY A WALL OF THE ELEVATOR.

ANYWAY, I VELCRO MY LEFT ARM, BECUZ IT’S VERY DISOBEDIENT, ANNOYING, & DOESN’T LISTEN 2 ME (LOL), SO EVERY LAUGH, CRY, SNEEZE, ETC. MAKES MY LEFT ARM SWING INTO MY BELLY, OR COMPLETELY OFF THE ARMREST. AS I MOVED MY BUTT ON MON., MY LEFT ARM HYPER-EXTENDED, & POPPED OFF MY VELCRO. WITH 1 HAND, I MANAGED 2 RE-WRAP IT AROUND MY HAND, & RE-FASTEN IT. NOT LIKE I HAVEN’T DONE THAT EITHER IN THE LAST 6 YRS., BUT IT’S HIT & MISS IF I CAN, & ALWAYS TOUGH! MONDAY IT WAS EASY & FAST! I’M JUST ENJOYING MY NEW-FOUND INDEPENDENCE LATELY! I FEEL I OWE GOD A BIG THANKS 4 MY RECENT SPURT OF INDEPEDENCE!

STROKE-A-VERSARY.

Jenny — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:39:49 +0000

TUES., MARCH 16 WAS MY 6 YR. STROKE-A-VERSARY. THE FIRST YEAR OR TWO AFTER IS THE HARDEST EMOTIONALLY. I’M SO GRATEFUL THOSE YEARS ARE OVVER, & THAT I’VE SURVIVED THEM, AS WELL AS BEYOND THEM! AT TIMES, RECOVERY MAY SEEM LIKE IT’S NOT HAPPENING BUT IT IS. IT CAN’T BE MEASURED IN WEEKS OR MONTHS BUT YEARS.

“But while changes happen around us and to us, what really matters is what happens inside us—the way we cherish loved ones after the loss of a family member, the way we look at life after the birth of a baby, the way we treat strangers after we’ve lived in an unfamiliar place. These are all aspects of our true identity that seem to manifest themselves most clearly after life-changing events.” “Who Are You?”, Music and the Spoken Word

THIS YEAR I WAS NOT MOPING — I’VE DECIDED THIS IS MORE A FAMILY “HOLIDAY,” & WAS FOCUSING ON HOW FAMILY LIFE CHANGED 4 US ALL 6 YRS., AGO

I 4GOT WHO SAID THIS ON MY STROKE GROUP, BUT IT RINGS SO TRUE: “Life can still be good after having a stroke. You will Never once again be as you were before as something will always remain but that does not mean give up cause there is no hope left anymore. If you want your life back YOU will have to work very hard to regain as much of it back as possible. “

AS 1 WHO LIKES 2 CELEBRATE HER HOLIDAYS, THAT MEANS I WAS HANGING OUT W/FAMILY. WE HAD PLANS 4 A ZOO, BUT IT RAINED, SO WE SAW A MOVIE, WALKED THE MALL, & JUST ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE…

Jenny — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:09:00 +0000

TAKING INTO ACCOUNT MY RECENT POST, I’M STILL CLIMBING MY LADDER!

FRI., I ACTUALLY TOLD FIA “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” REALLY WELL. IT SEEMED 2 MAKE FIA’S DAY! I BELIEVE LAST & THIS YEAR, I TOLD JESS “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”, BUT THIS WAS 10x CLEARER, & FIA ALMOST CRIED, SHE WAS SO HAPPY!

I WAS SURPRISED BY IT 2, & TRIED SAYING IT SEVERAL TIMES, & THOUGH IT IMPRESSED OTHERS, I WAS DISAPPOINTED THAT IT WAS NEVER AS GOOD AGAIN! 4 SOME REASON, IT’S BETTER WHEN I DON’T TRY…

I CAN BE SILENT MOST THE DAY, BUT WHEN I DO THIS, EVERY TIME IT JUST “POPS OUT”, I SPEAK BETTER WHEN IT “POPS OUT” & I DON’T TRY (JUST THINK THE WORD) THAN IF I TRY 2 SAY THE SAME THING. I TEND 2 TALK MORE WHEN ALONE W/THE KIDS, AS I HATE 2 RING MY BELL 2 GET ATTENTION–IT’S A LAST RESORT, OR I’M FEELING LAZY (LIKE IF THEIR BEDROOM DOOR IS CLOSED, I ANALYZE IF I HAVE THE ENERGY NEEDED 2 RAISE MY ARM & OPEN THE DOOR…IF NOT, I RING)

THE COOL THING IS THAT I JUST DO MUSIC THERAPY–I HAVEN’T DONE SPEECH THERAPY IN LIKE 5 YRS., & WHEN I DID IT, SO LITTLE COULD BE DONE. I TEND 2 APPEAR AS HAVING “SPURTS” OF GROWTH, EVEN STILL. I HAVE ONLY MADE A LITTLE PROGRESS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, THEN SUDDENLY HAVE MADE SOME BIG STRIDES…I CAN ONLY GUESS IT’S BECUZ WHEN I AM SEEMING 2 MAKE THOSE SMALL STRIDES, THEY FINALLY ADD UP 2 A BIG STRIDE!

eating

Jenny — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 02:50:10 +0000

NOTHING STINKS MORE AT TIMES, THAN C-ING YOUR LOVED 1 SICK, BUT STILL CARING 4 U…POTTYING & DRESSING MYSELF SEEM IMPOSSIBLE RIGHT NOW, BUT FEEDING MYSELF WAS SOMETHING I WANTED 2 TACKLE. IT SEEMED MANAGEABLE…
I TACKLED IT IN STAGES: I LEARNED 2 RAISE MY ARM HIGHER, DISCOVERED THAT I COULD SUCK ON A STRAW & PRACTICED THAT, DEVELOPED BITING SKILLS, & WORKED ON MY AIM (SO I COULD DIP FOOD, & MESSY FOODS WOULD GO IN MY MOUTH, MORE THAN ON MY FACE!)

ON TUES., 3/2, I HAVE A STORY 2 SHARE…
RECENTLY, MK STARTED GIVING ME ROLLS AT DINNER, BUT I ONLY DO A MEAL IF HE HAS A TIME CRUNCH OR SOMETHING. I LOVE IT! I’VE DONE ARBY’S, A TUNA SUB (W/A FORK), ETC., BUT MY NEW THING IS LUNCHABLES (HAM & CHEESE CRACKERS)–I LISTEN 2 AN AUDIO BOOK AS I EAT, & CAN DO THE WATER. (I DISCOVERED MONTHS AGO THAT I COULD DO THE WATER BECUZ I GOT TIRED OF WAITING 4 MY WATER! LOL EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED THAT I COULD DO THE WATER, I’VE EXPERIMENTED–WHILE A FULL CUP IS POSSIBLE, IT’S TONS HARDER 2 LIFT, SQUEEZE, & SUCK, SO I TAKE 4EVER, & GIVE UP! IF THE CUP’S 1/2-FULL, IT’S MUCH LESS DAUNTING!
TUESDAY, 3/2, I HAD A CORN DOG. DIPPED IT & EVERYTHING. I HAD ZACH FILL A CUP 1/2-WAY, & PUT IT W/IN REACH. I FINISHED MY CORN DOG, & WENT 2 SWITCH MY PLATE & DRINK, BUT MK’S MOM WAS VISITING, & GOT THERE 1ST…I MOTIONED 2 GIVE ME THE WATER, & SHE SAID SOMETHING LIKE, “U KIDDING ME?” I DRANK IT, PUT THE EMPTY CUP IN THE SINK, & THREW AWAY MY BIB! TA DA! LOL
THIS IS FAIRLY NEW, BUT THIS WASN’T THE 1ST TIME.

I HEARD THIS QOUTE A LONG TIME AGO AT CHURCH:
“When you climb up a ladder, you must begin at the bottom, and ascend step by step, until you arrive at the top… —you must begin with the first, and go on…”
History of the Church, 6:306–7; from a discourse given by Joseph Smith on Apr. 7, 1844, in Nauvoo, Illinois; reported by Wilford Woodruff, Willard Richards, Thomas Bullock, and William Clayton; see also appendix, page 562, item 3.

SOMEWHERE IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN I WAS GIVEN MY ARM SUPPORT, I FED MYSELF ON OCCASION, BUT I DETESTED IT: MORE FOOD GOT ALL OVER ME & THE FLOOR, & IT TOOK SO LONG, MY FOOD GOT COLD. I WASN’T READY…I SKIPPED RUNGS ON THE LADDER, & FALLEN.